Broken
by Peryton
Summary: Takes place shortly after State of Flux. B'Elanna tries to cope with Seska's betrayal.


B'Elanna Torres sat in the Mess Hall, a warm cup of something held tightly in her hands. She hadn't even asked Neelix what it was when he'd walked over and settled it beside her. She was just happy to feel the comforting warmth between her hands, it reminded her of when she was a child and her father would make hot cocoa for her. B'Elanna stared at the cup with vacant eyes, she was still adapting to the new hole through her heart. She was starting to wonder how many times people she cared about would rip her heart to pieces, before she actually broke.

The Mess hall was almost completely empty. A couple of Security Ensigns were chatting over in the far corner, and three other officers were eating silently. B'Elanna wasn't particularly interested in them though, her pain and feeling of betrayal were all the company she needed. And yet she wasn't in her Quarters. She'd almost gone there, almost. But somehow, the headstrong part Klingon hadn't wanted to be left in complete solitude, she'd wanted the voices of her crew mates in the background of her thoughts, and the soft smile of Neelix whenever he tried to offer her something to cheer her up. It was strange, only a month earlier she would have loved nothing more than to sit in her own silent Quarters, just for the sake of being alone. But now….

"Mind if I sit down." B'Elanna started at the familiar voice. Tom Paris was standing in front of her table, a tray of food in his hands, and a friendly smile on his face.

"Yeah, I mean no. Of course I don't mind." B'Elanna said before she could stop herself. She hadn't wanted company, at least she hadn't thought so. But nowadays she was having a hard time judging her own desires, they seemed to be so conflicting it half drove her mad. Tom sat down across the table from her and silently took a bite of his food. B'Elanna was perfectly happy just to have his presence nearby, it was comforting, in a peculiar way. She took a sip of the warm drink, and was pleasantly surprised at the taste. She allowed her mind to wander again, thinking about the last few days. They'd discovered the Kazon ship while answering the distress call, only to find that the damage had been done with Federation technology. Voyagers technology none the less. Then she'd discovered Seska had been the one to hand over the technology. Then Kes and the Doctor had declared Seska to be a pure blooded Cardassian. B'Elanna felt her stomach clench into a knot.

"Cardassian." She whispered softly, forgetting the fact that she wasn't alone. Then she glanced up to find Tom staring at her. She reddened slightly, but Tom didn't seem to notice this. He smiled comfortingly.

"It's been a crazy couple of days." He said to start the conversation.

"Yeah." She replied. He opened his mouth, then closed it again uncomfortably.

"Are you alright?" He asked finally, his voice softening slightly. "I know you and her were friends." He said. The officers in the corner had begun a heated argument, and most of the other crewmen had left, or were insisting the weren't hungry to an over exuberant Telaxian.

"We were more than friends." B'Elanna said, her soft voice cracking slightly. "At least I thought we were. She was like a sister to me." She said softly. Tom reached over and settled one of his hands on top of hers.

"I just don't understand." She said softly. "In all the time I knew her, I never once suspected she was a Cardassian. I mean, yes she was headstrong and sometimes took her lies a little too far, but so did I. We were so alike." She whispered softly.

"B'Elanna." Tom said softly. "Seska had everyone fooled. Yes, she was Cardassian, but she was also a friend. I didn't have the opportunity to get to know her, but somehow, I don't think it would have really mattered one way or another to me if she was Cardassian or Bajoran. Lets face it B'Elanna, we've all had our bad spots. A dark side if you must." He said with a smile.

"Some are more noticeable than others. I'm sure all of Starfleet thinks of the Maquis in a very similar manner to the way you think of Cardassians. Yet, many of the Starfleets probably have done something worse than what Seska did. When she handed over the technology she had the best intentions in mind, we have to believe that. Yes, what she did was wrong, but, we all want to get home. Her mistakes are just more noticeable since she's Cardassian, but Tuvok and Carey both almost caused a disaster, as did you." Tom said, "And no one here will judge any of you for it." Tuvok walked into the Mess hall at this point and walked over to one of the tables on the far side of the room.

"But she was, I mean, the fact that she'd been lying to me, all of this time." She whispered softly. "I feel like every time I get close to someone, they betray or abandon me." She whispered, she couldn't believe she was telling him all of this, he'd probably be talking about how vulnerable she was for months after. Tom tightened his grip on her hand slightly.

"I think that's an exaggeration. You've got Chakotay, and all of your other Maquis friends. And what about Harry and I?" He asked with a smile.

"Pig." She grumbled. Tom smiled at her. Chakotay walked in an headed straight over to Tuvok, the look on the former Maquis Captains face was a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

"And although it might not be much of a council, I'd say Chakotay is having just as much trouble with this as you are. If not more." Tom said. B'Elanna made no reply just watched Chakotay walk over to Tuvok.

"Can you be honest with me?" Chakotay asked the Vulcan.

"As a Vulcan-" He began, but B'Elanna's mind was wandering again. She sighed deeply, she was so exhausted she could feel her eyelids screaming to close. She'd been running around Engineering for almost two days straight, and she was starting to show it.

"Well, I'm heading to bed." She said. "Good night, Tom." She said as she set down her cup and stood up to leave.

"Good night." Tom replied. "Hey, B'Elanna." He said. She glanced back over her shoulder.

"If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me." He said. B'Elanna nodded, slightly embarrassed before she strode out of the Mess hall. Tom watched her go, his loneliness crashing down on him again. For all his cocky, overly confident quirks, the Helmsman was far lonelier than he'd like to admit, even to himself.


End file.
